Build a wall

I feel like such a girl today.  I know that sounds funny since I am technically a girl and all, but it's seemingly out of character for me.  I'm used to being in control of my feelings, but lately, my vulnerability is getting the best of me.  And I hate not being able to control them when I'm unable to change the circumstances that got me feeling out of control in the first place.  

Does that make sense?  

I am not heartless or cold.  I would like to think that I'm warm most of the time,  happy, and capable of expressing love freely without feeling like I need to be in 'control'.  But when sadness, frustration, or despair comes knocking on my door, I hate feeling vulnerable.  My first instinct is to build a brick wall to keep that from infiltrating my life, but instead, I am finding that I just crumble. 

There must be a happy medium somewhere.  Something to fit the space between being in and out of control.  But where and what is that?  And while I ponder that, I'll  wrap this up with one of my favorite David Matthews song, appropriately titled:

The Space Between

You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love

The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing

We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here

The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...