Learning to Let Go

FOR * GIVE

[fer-give] verb, -gave, -given, -giving

-verb, used with object

1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc); absolve

2. to give up all claim on account of ; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.)

3. to grant pardon to (a person)

4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies\

5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan

It’s something we should do without thinking twice. That’s what I was taught. I mean, we’re all human, right? Nobody is perfect, and at one point or another, we all make mistakes. After almost twenty-nine years I still find that this can be hard to do, though I have been able to move forward in a decent, civil manner with people who have really hurt me. Does that qualify as forgiveness? Does that show an effort on my part? It could be worse. I could refuse to talk or see a person who has shown disregard for me and my feelings. But I don’t – mostly to keep the peace and minimize the drama that could ensue. The truth of the matter is that I forgive because usually there are other people counting on it – who are affected by the type of relationship I have with the person in question.

But I can’t completely let go. You’ve heard the saying. Forgive and forget. Well, I don’t know how to forget and pretend things never happened. It’s just not my nature. So if I’ve got definitions 1, 2, 3, and 5 of ‘forgive’ covered, does it matter that sometimes I can’t do number 4? That deep down inside there may be a part of me that feels hurt? Does that mean I am failing?

Maybe this is just a continual learning process. Maybe learning to let go becomes easier to do as I get older and so long as I remain open and receptive, it will come. That is my hope. Because I long for that feeling of liberation and knowledge that nobody has power and control of my feelings except for myself.