Escape

I found myself driving in circles this morning.  I was out running errands with the girls, and as I approached my house, I realized that I just wasn't ready to go home quite yet.  Instead of slowing down as I neared the drive, I hit the gas pedal and drove the back roads near my house.  I don't know why, but I felt like if I went home, I would feel trapped in my reality, which has been plagued with bad vibes lately.  Call it denial or procrastination, but I kept on driving, and for those extra minutes that I was in the car, I felt free and alive. 

When I used to feel this way when I was younger, I would go to the beach, which was plausible since I lived right next to it for the first 22 years of my life.  I would sit down and dig my feet into the sand and stare out at the ocean for hours, letting my mood drift as the waves came crashing in.  Unfortunately, distance and responsibility for people other than myself prevents me from returning to the place that used to bring me comfort and ease.  More often than not, the only escape that I have is driving my car and drowning myself in music.  And even though it's not the most ideal scenario, I still enjoy it immensely. 

I think I foresaw what was bound to happen when I kept driving this morning.  Because sure enough, the minute I stepped foot in my house, I felt this rush traveling through my body and immediately I felt like my mind was playing tricks on me.  It doubted anything and everything that was good, and transformed it all into negative energy.  It didn't matter that I'm smart enough to know better.  Even as I sit here, trying to think everything through logically, things don't feel right.  I think it's hard to find clarity when you're trapped in a box, at least this is true for me.  I know now that sometimes the open road is what I need to be set free. I look forward to my next journey.