It's okay to purge

Another thought from the world of packing: it's okay to rid your surroundings of things that you never need or want to see again.  Case in point: Fat Jeans.  Never. Ever. Again. For. As. Long. As. I. Am. Living. And. Coherent.  Other items up for contention? Old letters that serve no purpose in my life anymore, and just about anything else that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I used to save a LOT of things, and I'm sure that to some, I still do. Like all of my old cute-sy papers and items made for my Mom and Dad back in preschool and kindergarten....  well, you can blame the first 17 years or so of that being saved on my parents and the remaining 9 years on me.  There will always be some things that I'll probably just never be able to let go of.  (On a side note, it's been kind of cool to show my own daughter who is currently in preschool all of the things that her mommy made at her age.)  But sometimes, moving brings out the best out of people who need to dispose their lives of negative energy.

Back to those fat jeans. 

I found them stashed in the corner of my closet this afternoon.  I picked them up, and only one word came to mind... appalled.  I mean, really?  I used to fit in those?   It's hard to think that I used to have such little disregard for my body.  Never again.  I made a vow to myself to never disrespect myself like that again.  And I mean it.  So away it goes... there is no reason to keep them in my closet any longer.  They just aren't who I am anymore, and boy am I glad.

In a greater context though, purging my life of negative and pointless things, is good.  So I encourage anyone reading this to take control of their own lives and do just that.  It makes life more simple, and just more enjoyable.  And no matter what you give up, it should never be considered a loss; only a gain... and one that makes you happy. 

Oh stress...

Ugggh... so I had a bad day.  Yes, we all have them, but this is the worst I've had since the year began.  The crazy thing is that nothing REALLY bad or devastating happened to me today, but by the end of it (now), I am so worn and frazzled.  It must be all of the stress I've been feeling lately with the burden of packing placed mostly on my shoulders, while watching the two girls, needing to knit to build our inventory, bearing the heavy lifting usually reserved for a man, and having to train for my half marathon on top of that.  I am fatigued and bent out of shape.  I'm not sure I know what I've gotten myself into -- except that I feel like I am in over my head.

I feel like I am in desperate need of time for just myself.  A nice long, drive on the road to nowhere with music playing -- without any responsibilities.  Time to clear my mind, relax my body, and temporarily escape.  In reality, that will only remain a wish because it seems like everyone else is too busy too.  I can't wait for life to slow down, but at least in the meantime, I always have here to clear my head.

Treats on the radio

There's nothing like old songs popping up on XM radio... it usually means an instant smile.  Tonight on the way back home after taking a load to our new house, I was treated to two songs, one that immediately brought me back to the 80s, quickly followed by one of my favorites from a few years back -- all without switching the channel.  What a treat!

"If You Leave" by Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark (OMD)

I can't tell you how many summer days I spent several years ago on the patio rocking on the porch swing to Norah Jones "Don't Know Why", relaxing and contemplating life.  It always brings back warm memories.

Nostalgia's got me

I'm feeling sentimental today.  It's probably got to do with the packing I've done, and encountering things that I haven't seen for a long time.  Today I managed to attack our bookcase, where I found college textbooks, readers, and my old notebooks.  I sifted through pages and thought about my life.  It's hard to think that some of the most formative years of my life are now ten years old.  It was inevitable that nostalgia would wash over me.

Such good times and yet there are some things that I would do different if I could.  Part of me still aches that I could have that time back, and savor each moment, instead of rushing through it the first time around.  I'm grateful for the people that I met and the experiences that I had, but part of my heart still lives in SB. 

I have met some of the most incredible people there -- my husband included -- and I'm so grateful for the friendships I've been able to hold onto after all of these years.  While there may not be many (as life has a funny way of separating friends as we all get older), the ones I do have, I treasure.  So thank you for all the love, friendship, and support.  You guys make my life a charmed one indeed!

Bad, happy me!

I've all but abandoned my written presence on my poor blogs, and that kind of makes me sad.  Bad, bad me.  However, the reason why I have actually makes me very happy, so alas I can't be too disappointed with myself.

I haven't had much time for anything since the start of my business.  A lot of time that I used to spend pondering and contemplating life has quickly been absorbed by the frantic work of my hands, parenting, packing, and training for my first half marathon in May.  Any time that I have left to think is consumed with thoughts about running the business.

However, I have had enough time to figure this much out:  I am a lot happier with my life right now than I was last year.  The crazy thing is that I'm not sure that anything in my immediate surroundings have changed.  I still face many challenges on a day-to-day basis that try my patience or my strength.  But the fact of the matter is that something INSIDE of me has changed.  Not to say that I have stopped caring about the things that used to weigh on me, because I'm sure deep down inside it still exists somewhere, but I've failed to pay attention to it as of late.  And as unhealthy as that may sound, I can't deny the fact that I am just happier.

Perhaps there is some truth in "The devil finds work for idle hands to do."  Not so much literally, but I have found that my free time leads to feelings of unhappiness more often than not.  So I'm glad that I've been blessed with being busy, no matter how insane it can feel at times.