What are you investing in?

in⋅vest⋅ment 

-noun

devoting, using, or giving of time, talent, emotional energy, etc., as for a purpose or to achieve something

Let's talk about investments -- and not the financial kind.  I'm talking about the kind when you begin to feel that you've become way too invested in something. You know that you are when that 'thing' starts to consume every minute of your waking day and you feel like it is taking control of your life.  You're stressed, fatigued or emotionally drained to the point where you begin to question, what are you investing in?

It's at this point that it is time to stop.  Easier said than done -- I know.  Especially for my anything-can-stress-me-out self.  But if you can, do it, and then reassess the situation at hand.  Are you investing too much?  Are you investing in the right thing?  Is your 'stock' too risky?  Is it really worth it?  All personal entanglements aside -- can you logically justify your investment?  Meet any of those questions with hesitation, and that is likely a sign that something is wrong with your investment.  

Hmmmm... okay, so what to do once you recognize a problem?

Slowly and carefully extricate any emotions tied up in your investment, and then start making changes - STAT.  Hopefully, you can salvage most of what you had and turn it into something profitable.  Of course you may not be able to make a full recovery -- that's what happens when you take a risk -- but at least you'll get 'you' back.  And that is ALWAYS worth it.

Year in review

The end of the year is always about taking a moment to reflect.  Things that you've accomplished, stuff that has happened, people you've met, and wishes and hopes for the coming year.  And like any other, this year is no exception.  I am filled with awe when I think about 2009 -- how despite how fast it seems to have passed, there were so many changes taking place within me and around me.  If someone asked me at the beginning of the year if I envisioned myself where I would be at the end of the year, I would have to say, "Not quite."  Not in a bad way.  It's just that it's been more unexpected and emotional than I would have ever thought.

I have made mistakes.  I laughed.  I cried.  I loved.  I have taken long strides.  I set new goals. I accomplished them. I have come a long way.

Granted, this year was more challenging than others in recent past.  Raising two toddlers is not an easy feat.  Neither is losing thirty pounds. Both have taken lots of hard work, dedication, and love for my kids and myself.  I learned to push through the pain and the insanity.  And sometimes, no matter what I do, I still feel like I am going crazy.  That will probably never change.  Nevertheless, I am grateful for every day that I am given to strive, persevere, embrace, and cherish.  

I know the coming year is bound to present new challenges, and definite changes.  Each year does.  But more so than that, I have a feeling that 2010 is going to be a defining year for me, and not because it's the year that I turn thirty.  I can sense that new levels of self-discovery are on the horizon.  Sure, there will always be uncertainty.  My life is everything but predictable.  But that doesn't change my willingness to accept what comes my way.  I look forward to seeing what's in store for this crazy thing we call my life.

Time to take a breath

December is a blur.  It is for me anyway.  Baking, shopping, parties, wrapping, Christmas concerts, preparing, knitting, decorating and packing.  It's no wonder that by the end of the year I am exhausted.  But more than that, I have found this to be true:  This month has a way of alienating me from those that I care about up until Christmas, when -- KABOOM -- normality starts to settle back in.  It's kind of ironic that the weeks leading up to Christmas, I am way too busy doing all of the things I listed FOR the people that I love, and yet, finding a moment to share with them is nearly impossible.

It kind of makes me sad actually.

It's my least favorite thing about the Christmas season.  Everyone's so busy that nobody has time for each other, and being busy is only a facade for the void that is felt within.  So even though I still have a million things to do before Christmas, I can't wait for it all to be over.  I miss my family.  I miss my friends.  And believe it or not, I actually kind of miss my regular, humdrum life.

Music dumping

I have spent the past two days dumping a ton of music into my brand new laptop...  6 gigs worth to be exact.  And I plan on adding more because - quite simply - I'm addicted to it.  Sure, there are skeptics out there (who shall remain nameless) who just don't understand how music can play such an important role in the life of a person who doesn't know how to read music or play an instrument.   But if you could ever envision such a person, it would be me.

I eat, sleep and breathe music. To this day, I still can hear a song and place it to a specific memory.  I've got a song for every feeling and every thought.  It gets me through everything.  And the music selection ranges from the "F-yeah!" to the mellow -- a complete hodgepodge to perfectly reflect what my life is like  (which is currently a huge, jumbled mess). 

You see, I'm like my hard drive.  Things constantly get dumped on me, until the day when I reach my capacity.  That's when I begin to purge myself of all the things that just aren't necessary in my life: negativity, uncertainty, stress... until there is more space for it to come sneaking back up on me again.  It's a vicious cycle.   This is why I rejoice through song.  It calms, comforts, frees, and uplifts me to get me through this complicated path we call -- LIFE.  Anyone who would trade something that has the power to do all that for something else is crazy.