D is for Discipline

That is what I will attempt to have as I head into summer.  Now that I am no longer running like a mad woman (and yes, for all you naysayers out there, finishing a half marathon has not changed my mind -- I still don't like running), it's time to be stricter with my diet.  ((shudder))  Yikes, did I just say that?!?

During my training for my half marathon, I was reckless.  I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Granted, part of it was because I was busy moving and packing for two months and didn't have much time to cook, but the other part of me thought, "Why not?"  After all, I was burning calories left and right with all of that running.  Admittedly, that is dangerous for me.  I got used to consuming a higher caloric intake that now 1400-1500 calories a day sounds - well - SAD.  Not a great situation for a person who enjoys food.

Part of the problem is that summer is a slow time in my workout regimen.  It's terribly hard to be motivated when it is 100+ degrees outside, and anyone who really knows me can vouch that when I get really hot, I'm just plain irritable.  And even though I pretty much have my own home gym, complete with a few free weights, treadmill, and a brand spanking new elliptical machine, I am afraid that I won't be working out as often as I would like as my exercise room happens to be in the one place of my new house where there is no air ventilation except for windows.  And, well, open windows in the summertime are pointless.  Thank goodness I have my year-round indoor volleyball league to keep me active!

Back to the diet.  Today is the day that I start being hungry again.  Granted, the first few days will be the roughest as I train my body that I no longer need so many calories.  On a positive note though, I am doing well so far, eating whole grains, plenty of protein, and grapefruit, thanks to the abundant tree in my front yard. But if there is one thing that I learned after completing a half marathon, it is that I can do anything that I set my mind to. All it takes is heart and discipline.  If you want it, make it happen!  The sky is the limit.

You know what's odd? 

The way feelings can change from one day to the next.

I'm not talking about those temporary situations in which you've had a bad day, and as a result, it makes you mad or angry with anyone that comes into your warpath.  Instead, I am referring to the times that are actually rather inexplicable... where there is no undeniable cause that has perpetuated what you are feeling. But suddenly, without warning, you realize that you feel differently about someone than you did the day before.  And you know what's even more odd?  When your feelings decide that what you originally felt was indeed true, and so they decide to pull a switcheroo.  

Perhaps it's all just a sign of confusion -- that's the only reasonable explanation that I can come up with.  Hmmm, or maybe doubt.  Maybe the one thing we need to prevent that from happening is the confidence and security of knowing that regardless of actions (or lack thereof), what we feel is real.  No more second-guessing.  

That is my goal.

THAT'S my fortune?!?

My fortune of the day:  Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back.

Ha ha ha.

I'm not sure why this seems so ironic, but it does, especially on a day like this where the pitter patter of the rain falling and mellow music playing in the background has already set the stage for a contemplative mood, which almost always involves looking back (though not necessarily regretting).   And even though it is cold outside, I've gone so far as to open the windows so that the smell of rain can encapsulate my house. 

The truth of the matter is that reflection is therapeutic for me.  If I never looked back, how can I make wise decisions in the future?  Life is a learning experience, but choosing to ignore everything that got me where I am today means that I would end up learning things the hard way all over again.  And in my opinion, there is nothing smart about that. 

So now I'm left with only one question:  Who writes these fortunes anyway?

I did it!

That's right, I did it!  I finished the race.  I went, I saw, and I conquered.  And it didn't come easy either.

Preface:  I got hardly any sleep the night before.  Not for a lack of trying either.  I originally tried going to bed at 8:30 p.m., especially since we had the girls in the same room as us.  But the girls were much too excited about all of us sleeping together, that by the time we all fell asleep, it was closer to 10:00 p.m..  The second thing I learned?  Kiara is a bed hog.  I have no clue how my 2 year old found a way to take over the full size bed we were sharing, but she managed to do that in style.  I spent most of the night sleeping on the edge of the bed.  But that wasn't the worst thing.  At 12:30 a.m. I awoke due to people running up and down the stairs which our motel room was conveniently located right next to.  This was followed by loud male voices, yelling at each other.  I remember looking at my cell phone (my clock) every half an hour after that as the noise continued.  Until of course, the final straw.  At 3:30 a.m., I heard a banging on the door next to our room, followed by, "Sheriff's Department!  Open up!"  which lasted 10 minutes because the people inside refused to open the door.   I didn't fall back asleep until 4 am. and then I woke up at 5:20 a.m. so that I could get ready and catch the bus leaving at an adjacent hotel at 6 a.m.  Groan.

Now to the race.

It started off great.  Teresa and I kept a nice even pace going while I watched mile after mile pass by.  I remember thinking to myself, "This is easy. We have this."  Yes, I even felt that way as we headed up Corkscrew Hill between miles 6-7.  I knew there was going to be a steep incline, but nothing could have prepared me for what we encountered.  It was a lot more steep than I could have imagined!  When we passed by mile marker 8, I remembered feeling great, and not tired at all... little did I know that only a mile later I would be feeling completely different.

It was at mile 9 that I felt my left calf start to tweak.  By that I mean that it felt like I was about to get a charley horse.  I know the feeling... I've spent most of my adolescent and adult life with them.  The intense pain in my calf that I spent many nights waking up to felt like it was on the verge of happening.  Before mile 10, my right calf felt that way too.

I should have figured this would happen.  A week ago, when I ran 10 miles, my calves started giving out on me at 9.5 miles and I had to walk the last .5 mile of that run.  Nevertheless, I continued to run, but my pace started to slow dramatically.  I was disappointed, but I knew that I couldn't speed back up.  Everytime I did, my calves threatened to wreak havoc, and I knew if that happened, the likelihood of me finishing would be slim to none.  I almost felt my calves pull 10-15 times in the last four miles. I told my sister to go on ahead without me.  I was holding her back.  She was adamant though, that we started this journey together and that we going to finish it together too.  What would I do without my sister?  I love her!

My jog continued up until mile 13.  I was so CLOSE to finishing... just .1 mile left.  This is where I was supposed to be sprinting to the finish.  Instead, it was at this very moment that my left quad, just above my knee severely cramped, and I could no longer jog.  I winced with pain, and tears fell.   I remember feeling so disappointed.  I felt like I failed myself and my sister.  This wasn't how I imagined my finish to be.  I didn't feel tired, but my legs were giving up on me.  I stopped on the side of the course, where Teresa helped me to stretch for about a minute.  But as I started to move forward again, I realized that I couldn't even really walk.  So instead I limped, my arm threaded through my sisters as she helped support me.  As we came to the last 100 yards, she helped me jog in to the finish, where I crossed the line with her beside me.

Words can't really describe my feeling of accomplishment despite the problems that I've encountered along the way.  And while my victory is bittersweet, I am glad that I had this experience, that I finished what I set out to do, and was committed to it until the very end. 

And the results are in... here is how I finished:

Bib

FName

LName

City

State

Div

Leg1

Leg2

Pace

2730

Pamela

Zarate

Selma

CA

25-29 Female

Age	Sex	ChipTime	ClockTime	Overall	SexPl	DivPl
29	F	2:25:35.9	2:26:40.6	1400	887	173

Time to focus

This week is important to me.  I am on the verge of accomplishing a huge feat -- running my first half marathon.  But no matter how hard I try, I just can't focus.  Running takes a lot of mental preparation for me, and unfortunately, my mind is swamped with trouble and uncertainty.  It's just about the last thing I need right now.  You know that feeling of having a pit in your stomach?  Well, I've had that for four days now, and I just can't rid myself of the negative energy.  I feel sick.

I need to learn how to separate out things that I can't control and things that I can.  I've been to this place before -- if only I knew how to prevent that from happening.  The difference this time is that it is imperative that I vacate this situation fast.  There is no room for problems, drama, hurt, or confusion. Only clear thinking, peace of mind, and plenty of willpower.

I am hoping to do just that, and it starts with this attitude:  I will overcome my problems.  I will run like I've never run before.  I will persevere.  I will triumph.