Castles in the Sky

Talk about random.  I'm pulling up to the office, ready to drop off Kiara, only to pick up Leila from preschool.  Totally normal.  Until Ian Van Dahl's "Castles in the Sky" comes on XM radio, and no, for those who know, I wasn't listening to BPM.  So this is certainly bizarre, because I probably haven't heard this song for AT LEAST 6-7 years, maybe longer.  Immediately, I am brought back to 2000 when I still listened to a TON of electronica, techno, trance, and house (thanks Rafi!).  Memories flooded back to 9 years ago... good grief, that is almost a DECADE ago.  And all I can think about for a moment is my college years and how quickly they passed and how if I had the opportunity to do it all over again, I wouldn't have finished up early. Some of the greatest memories I have are from those days.  I met some incredible people, and learned very important life lessons there.

Anyway, I digress.  For those who are not familiar with this song, there are very few lyrics as is common with most of these types of songs.  But the words it does contain have always resonated with me, and is certainly fitting with the spirit of my blog:

"Do you ever question your life,
Do you ever wonder why?
Do you ever see in your dreams,
All the castles in the sky?"

Ummmm.... did they write this song for me?   This is me, every single day.  Just sayin'.

What will save you?

"No parachutes or safety nets here.  One foot on the water to face these fears.  I'm coming out strong like I can't be wrong.   I said, hey, I won't fall in the middle." -From Mat Kearney's "In the Middle"

Everyday, there is a new tragedy that is broadcast to the world.   Maybe we have experienced our own.  Or perhaps we are having to deal with a struggle that is seemingly beyond our control.  One thing is certain.  It is up to us to prevent ourselves from falling. So what does it take to rise above?

Personal experience has repeatedly told me that there is always one thing that I can count on -- and that is FAITH.  This can be interpreted a number of ways, but ultimately I have found that a person can almost always prevent a fall by believing -- having faith -- in something.  For me, that faith is two-fold.  Part of it lies in a power much greater than me, Whom I cannot control, and works in mysterious ways.  But just as important, which I can control, is the faith that I have in myself.  Allow me to elaborate.  The fact of the matter is that, as humans, we need to take responsibility for our own outcomes.  If  I continue to push - to strive to make things better - to persevere - eventually I will.  The goal is to never - EVER - give up on oneself.  I am not saying that this is an easy choice to make because sometimes giving up and feeling sorry for yourself is so easy and convenient to do.  But I am saying this:  If you can find the strength you need to have faith in yourself, to believe in you, that will be a huge step in making sure that you never sink.  When you refuse to settle, you give yourself a chance, you make a gamble, and take a giant leap of faith. 

O Purpose, Where Art Thou?

"Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."  -Helen Keller

My life is like a roller coaster -- with ups, downs, and plenty of curves and bumps along the way.  I am sure that others feel the same way about theirs, but mine seems to be the type that I try to avoid at amusement parks.  There is nothing amusing about being thrown and jerked around -- it just leads to dizziness, confusion, and one royal headache.  I crave stability; knowing where I stand in all facets of my life each and every day.  Perhaps that is a little naive, but part of me thinks that this could be achievable.  Don't get me wrong -- I understand where my path leads in certain respects, but in other areas I am just lost and waiting for my coaster car to check back into the station so I can try to find my way again.  I am constantly seeking my purpose, both personally, and what it is supposed to be for others.  Other than my kids, that is. (That's obvious.)

When a part is missing from the whole, the foundation upon which it sits is compromised.  Until it is found, what remains lies on shaky ground waiting for the piece to return, so stability can be restored.  This certainly seems to be true when it comes to me.  Therefore,  I shall try to be strong until that elusive piece named "purpose" finds me and starts taking control of my life. I will challenge myself to remain patient and uplifted until that day comes.

All in good time

"Time heals all wounds." True enough... or at least if it doesn't heal it completely, it does have the power to make things better a little bit at a time. Such is life.

I spent the entire summer listening and encouraging my daughter's excitement to start preschool. Then her world came crashing down last Thursday, when she decided that she really didn't want to be going to school. Perhaps she is having a hard time adjusting being somewhere without any family members, or being one of the last 3 year-olds in her 4 year-old class, or she is just having a hard time making new friends in general. Thursday she cried for a little bit in the beginning of her class, and today she whined to me, "I don't wanna go to school", but she did not cry. Baby steps. Who knows what's in store for her in two days....

You see, it's all about having time to grow accustomed to new things, new roles, new friendships. Things can change in a sudden instant and only some people are able to handle them in stride. Others may need persuasion, convincing, or just some time to feel better about their new reality. I know I am one of those people that need that. Whether it was the changing dynamics in my relationships with others, a move to a different place, or the immense responsibilities dumped on me when I became a mom -- I have always needed some time to adjust. So maybe a little bit of me rubbed off on my daughter. If that is true, I know what she is going through -- change is never easy. However, I am hopeful that with time, and a little convincing, she'll find that change isn't quite so bad after all.

Lying in wait

As human beings, it seems like we spend a lot of time waiting for things to happen. Even as I write this, I can think of a number of things that I am waiting to happen -- move out of this house, go back to work, cross a new fitness milestone, the release of the 5^th gen Nano… (oh wait… that happened yesterday!) =) I know some will say to “Make it happen!” instead of waiting, but sometimes the timing isn’t quite right – there may be something else more important preventing or delaying the things we are waiting for, or maybe it is simply out of our control. So this seems to be for me. And while my patience has grown exponentially since having kids, I still can use some growth in that area.

In the past, I have sometimes offset the things I’ve been waiting for by pretending that they didn’t matter anymore, even when they really did. However, it is hard to put up that façade, because for me, that would be like living without purpose. To take each day one at a time, without considering the effect it can have on the future… Not only is that stupid, but it is living in denial. I have come to accept things for the way they are – even if it doesn’t coincide with my own personal preference. And ultimately, I will continue to consciously lie in wait for the things that I want in my life – taking action whenever possible and being mindful and patient when I can’t.

Chances

I heard this song for the first time today on the radio. And it made me think about how life is all about the chances we take. I have never believed in fate. I believe that everything happens because of the decisions that we make. I can think of a number of huge chances I have taken over the course of my life. Some were stupid, but some of the greatest chances that I have taken were worth it in the end. The relationships I have formed with those closest to me are all the result of my willingness to take a risk, to be open and free, to expose myself to the possibility of getting hurt in the hope that I find something meaningful instead. And I have -- and for this I am eternally grateful. I have the greatest family and friends I could want, and I will never regret the chances I took to make them mine.

Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones
Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today

Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be

Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you

I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah

Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me
It´s about the two to one
Lay your money on the ground
until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing

Chances chances

Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need